9-1b Agreeing and Disagreeing

Agreeing

Whether you are dealing with a person from higher- or lower-power distance cultures, or with a direct or indirect communicator, agreeing may seem like a simple thing to do within most settings. Miscommunications do happen though, because:

• Being too emphatic or descriptive when agreeing can cause discomfort for a person who isn’t used to overly emotional responses.
• Being too direct with an agreement can come across as overly confident, or too individualistic.
• Getting a “yes” from a person who is from an indirect/high-context culture can mean a full or partial “yes”, “maybe”, or even a “no” (to deflect attention).

Do pay attention to body language, gestures, facial expressions, and voice dynamics (tone, pitch, stress) to build context and to explore implied meaning. If you feel that the person you are speaking to is not giving you a committed agreement:

• Try to dig deeper with open-ended questions.
• Check in if they have any questions or concerns.
• Allow the person the opportunity to write to you rather than being put on the spot with a verbal response.
• Mirror a more indirect/high-context style and let the other person build context.

Look at the following agreement statements below. Say them out loud using different voice dynamics and think about how they might be interpreted by others (e.g., formal, informal, direct, indirect, etc.):

• “I agree.”
• “I couldn’t agree more.”
• “That’s a good idea.”
• “I see your point.”
• “That’s true.”
• “That’s absolutely right.”
• “Yes, and perhaps we might…”
• “Great idea.”

Disagreeing

In many cultural settings (including organizational), disagreeing can be very difficult due to dynamics associated with views on power, communication, self, and obligation. One approach is to find ways to figure out what is expected: direct, indirect, or a midpoint disagreement and then create a response based on that.